Jahangir trained with Rahmat at Wembley. Photo © 2006, SquashTalk archives.

PAKISTAN’S CHAMPIONS MADE IN BRITAIN

You may have read recently that the Pakistan Squash Federation dumped on its present crop of players for not achieving world domination – or anywhere near that status.

What they may have forgotten in their rush to shift the blame from their own lack of planning was that both of their great players of the last 20 years  were actually honed in Britain.

Almost thirty years ago Rahmat Khan persuaded the ruling powers to let him take over the coaching of the teenaged Jahangir Khan and so a very boyish Jahangir moved to Wembley, north London, in England, close to the Wembley Squash Centre where he trained every day under the shrewd eye of Rahmat. Next door was the Wembley Conference Centre (still one of the best venues ever) where Jahangir won 10 of his British Open titles.

In the eighties another young, but skinny kid called Jansher Khan also moved from Pakistan to England and based himself at Stripes Squash club in west London, where, guided by  Satinder Bajwar (now the `Harvard squash coach),  he honed his skills and fitness  to such a level that in the late 80’s he beat Jahangir in eight out of ten matches, an unthinkable feat  a few years earlier when Jahangir was in the middle of his 500-match unbeaten streak.

Jahangir and Jansher engaged in some fearsome battles on the court - here at the '88 British Open. Photo © 2006, SquashTalk archives.

Jansher used to hold ‘open court’ in the afternoon and any player could go along and play him. Jansher would play them one after the other, beat them 3/0  and then await the next victim.   The victims would vie  to see who got most points off Jansher. Anyone winning a game was a hero.

Jansher’s fitness level was phenomenal. His interview/mantra to journalists never varied: “I fitter, so I win’.  He did too.

So, to get to my point finally, the PSF never did create a champion. But it is good news now that they will finally be using a videotape and other scientific methods which have only been around for 30 years.

SQUASH – THE POLITICIANS' GAME

So squash finally hit the front page of the New York Times. Why? Because Donald Rumsfeld  plays it every day. (How comes the New York Times managed to ignore squash for years when it was being played in Grand Central Station, one of the  best venues in the USA?).

The story has touched a nerve and even the BBC  radio Today program (a must for any  Brit who wants to know what is going on in the world) felt they had to interview Peter Nicol on the subject of squash/politics.

Rumsfeld's squash playing covered in the New York Times. Photo © 2006, Dean Martin, NewsPix.

The first thing to note is that  Rumsfeld plays the old game of American hardball, which, depending on the spin, shows that he is totally out of date, OR he has his beliefs grounded firmly in good old American values. It seems when  the Pentagon followed the US universities by building international squash courts, they still left one narrow court standing.  I mean, Rumsfeld was the Secretary of Defense and position has its privilege.

“He hits the ball well, but he doesn’t play by the rules,” says Chris Zimmerman, a devoted squash player who works in the Pentagon. Mr. Zimmerman has never actually played his boss. But he says he has noticed that Mr. Rumsfeld, 74, often wins points because, after hitting a shot, he does not get out of the way so his opponent has a chance to return the ball, a practice known in squash as “clearing.”

That is not cheating. ( Jansher Khan made an art of it and nobody - except maybe a dozen top players of the time - called him a cheat.) Poor old Donald is 74 years old, and like me, is not as quite fast around the court as we used to be.  I am sure he would like to get out of the way, but the old legs just don’t move fast enough.

(And anyway, we wonder whether Mr. Zimmerman still has a job.)

So, here’s the

Bronstein Guide to the Political Aspects of Squash.

THE BOAST
A perfect politician’s shot. Rather than a direct shot to the front wall,  the ball  goes off the sidewall  before hitting the front wall and is hard to detect.  Describes accurately the way a politician responds to difficult questions.

THE DISGUISED DROP FROM THE BACK OF THE COURT
The player shapes to play one shot and then plays something entirely different.  There are two words that make that strategy clear: Election promises.

THE BACKWALL BOAST
Out of position, beaten by a good length shot, the backwall boast is a shot of  sheer desperation.  Compare:  Gaps in tape recordings and “I did not have sex with that woman”.

THE THREE WALL NICK
For advanced players only: played off side wall, the ball goes  to the front wall and then hits the nick at the third wall/floor. The opponent has no chance at all, hence the shot is known as the J Edgar Hoover, meaning whatever you do, you land up in jail.

THE SLOW, HIGH CROSS-COURT LOB
By the time the ball comes down, you have forgotten why you are on court.  Compares to the filibuster or the appointment of a Congressional committee to investigate wrong-doing.

THE VOLLEY
The shot that puts pressure on your opponent. The ball is coming back at him before he has reached the T.   The equivalent of a sudden resignation or “I explained that fully last week. Next question.”  Whaaaa?

THE COUNTER –DROP
A sneaky response to a sneaky shot.  Well, now, doesn’t that describe the mode of argument between Democrats and Republicans, Capitalists and Socialists or, in present day Britain the battle within the different factions of the  Labour Party?

FREE SPEECH AT A PRICE

L. J. Anjema, the  Dutch  champion, gave vent to his feeling on the lack of real prize money at this year’s British Open.  His comments were carried on  Squashtalk in the cause of free speech and open debate and all those kinds of good things.

The promoter of the British Open, Paul Walters, complained to  the PSA  about Anjema’s opinion and now poor old Anjema is going to  disciplined  for “bringing the game into disrepute”.  So, students,  now discuss in  two hours or less, where free speech stops and   bringing the game into disrepute begins.  If LJ does get penalized by the PSA, I intend to start a fund so that all lovers of free speech and open debate can contribute.  I’ll start the ball rolling with  $10 towards LJ’s one-way fare to Chile. (I don’t think the PSA has an extradition treaty with Chile).

WELL DONE NICK

It was  a great experience to see Nick Matthew win the coveted  British Open title in front of a home-town crowd in Nottingham. The point about the victory is that nobody truly expected but on the other hand, nobody ruled it out.  And that  applied to the top ten players, which is why this is such an exciting time in the PSA - anybody in the top ten can win it.

After watching David Palmer in his quarter-final I thought he was unbeatable but along came Thierry Lincou with a fantastic come-from-behind effort to beat him in the semis.  Shabana got beaten in the first round by John White and most of the pundits who saw it reckoned it to be the best match of the tournament  if not one of the great matches of all times.

The fact is I haven’t correctly forecast a major tournament for many moons which  leads me to thoughts of becoming a  bookmaker on professional squash.  Once I take bets on all the top players, I have to come out a winner.  I have tried to persuade Ron Beck to turn Squashtalk.com into an on-line betting site but he says the State of Louisiana  is prosecuting  people who do that sort of thing. Damn!

THE ALTOGETHER MARVELLOUS  NICOL DAVID

Nicol David - dominant at the British Open. Photo © 2006, Fritz Borchert

Malaysia’s sparkling jewel Nicol David picked up her second British Open title and as far as I can see  will pick up  another half a dozen before she’s through. She is simply magnificent and I cannot see another player beating her for a long time.  Yes; she will lose the odd match, just as Geoff Hunt  used to when he was the best player in the world, but her supremacy will not  challenged for at least five years. (Mind you, keep an eye on England’s Alison Waters: she has come on in leaps and bounds and should soon be the England number one).

I hope John Nimick will put a women’s tournament on at this year’s US Open so that the Boston squash fraternity can see this wonderful Nicol David in action.

Incidentally Nimick has just announced that the US Open has been elevated to Super-Series status, making him the  only promoter to have three Super Series events (the Canadian Classic in January and the Tournament of Champions in New York in February are the other two).

The US Open will be in Boston in mind-November and I shall be there reporting from the qualifying rounds onwards. A week after that has finished I shall be in Belfast to report on the Women’s World Open.  So stay tuned to Squashtalk.