Hi my name is Julian Illingworth, and this is my first article for squashtalk. Hope you like it, and please do check back often for new articles, at either www.squashtalk.com or www.Julianillingworth.com

My Yale squash experience:  “The 4 greatest squash years of my life”

My Yale Team. Photo © 2006 Debra Tessier.

Entering my freshman year of college, I was obviously very excited to start something new and exciting.  As almost every other promising American squash player had done before me, I shied away from the idea of not going to college, choosing to wait 4 years before focusing on squash.  I have since had many people ask me if I made the right choice.  Most people say, “you have your degree under you belt now, you can always fall back on that.”

Sometime I can’t help but wonder where I would be in squash now if I had taken that leap of faith and left college for later.  Every time I hear some English coach say that it’s impossible to be the best in the world after attending university, it does make me wonder.  So this article will try to explain (to myself as much as anyone else) why looking back on the last 4 years I am truly glad I went to university. 

The first thing you realize when you enter as a freshman is that college squash is bigger than any one player, and very different than junior squash.  Come September everyone on that team is out running and getting ready as a team for the season.  This is different to junior squash, where you are simply looking after yourself.  It also makes it much more fun and interesting, as you are playing for something more than yourself, you don’t want to be the guy who loses it for your team. 

That first match with Yasser. Photo © 2006 Ron Beck.

Speaking of losing it for your team, I actually did just that in my first huge college match of my career.  4-4 with Princeton, in what would turn out to be the decider for the Ivy League (as both teams went on to beat Harvard that year…), 2 games to nothing, 8 points to 3 points, and I manage to lose it.  It’s hard to explain what it feels like to have a raucous crowd of nearly 1,000 people yelling and screaming as the seemingly inevitable victory approaches.  It is equally difficult to describe what it’s like when you lose that third game and everyone in the building, including you and your opponent know you’re in big trouble.  All I can say is that the looks of nervous apprehension on the fans faces as they sensed the tides of momentum shift drastically in the opposite direction were felt equally in my stomach.   

I remember coming off after losing the 3rd game, and the last I had heard we were up 4 matches to 3, with the other Yale player being up 2 games to 1.  I came off after losing that game to and said to Coach “tell me Chris [Olsen] won.”  From the reply of “just focus on your own match,” it was obvious that it was all on me, and I knew that we were in trouble. 

. Photo © 2006 Ron Beck

The feeling after the match was surprisingly bittersweet.  I had been looking forward to playing Yasser El-Hallaby for at least a month, and I had played out of my mind in the match.  Yet I also knew I should have won the match, and that I had let down the team.  I didn’t grasp it fully at the time, but the opportunity to win an Ivy Title doesn’t come that easily or necessarily often, Yale would in fact finish 2nd place for my first 3 years before finally my senior year we captured an Ivy Title. 

The night of that match was the first time I cried after a squash match in my entire life.  I had lost big matches in nationals, I had lost matches I should have won while representing the US at Junior Worlds, but it wasn’t the same kind of pain as letting down 15 of your best friends.  Throughout my 4 years with Yale squash, I made friendships that will last a lifetime, and created bonds that couldn’t be forged in any other way. 

So when people say “you’ll never make it as a top squash professional, you wasted the 4 most important formative years in a squash pros life,”  I think of it as time well spent, and I use it as motivation to prove them wrong. 

Until later,
Julian